Friday, August 20, 2010


Mama's Losin' It

I am linking up again. I think I am as addicted to linking up as I am the bloggy world! It's fun. See bloggers "assign" different things each week for us to write, answer, take pictures of and then we can link up to their blog.  Then I have so much fun finding new blogs because of the link up. I like it. I like MamaKat. She is fun-ny! You guys should check her out! Each week she gives writing prompts and lets you link up to her blog with stories. I am a day late, but I am having computer issues :-( So, I can get a free pass this week, right?

Here goes nothing!

This one time I was sleeping and...I wet the bed. Am I going to write about a time I wet the bed when I was a little girl you ask? NOPE! I was 31. It was mortifying, embarrassing and completely confusing and that day I knew my nightmare was far from being over!

See, I struggle with Endometriosis. The silent "woman's" disease that has been described as "acting like cancer, it's just not fatal". The disease that can cause no pain, or ginormica(my 5yro"s fav word)amounts of pain. The disease people can't see, so they don't believe you. The disease that doctors don't completely understand and get annoyed with you for complaining about. I feel crazy and very alone at times. My husband is gracious but I know he thought really? many many times when I have had to not do things because of endo! It can cause serious bowel issues! It can cause romantical interludes with the hubby to not be fun, and quite painful.  It can cause infertility. I think most people know about it, but don't understand it.  I have an extreme case. We were blessed to have our two children and decided we were done having kids(it was hard getting prego and I think we didn't want to push our luck!) and would do the only thing you can do about endo(if you want it gone for good)...have a hysterectomy.

Well, the story is too long and complicated, but my GYN screwed up. He put a hole in my bladder and I ended up with a catheter in for over three months. We begrudgingly named him "peter the pee pee" bag. I had one catheter for the day, and one for at night. Soooo when I peed the bed, it made NO sense since my ureter was hooked up to Peter. That night I knew it wasn't normal and something was seriously going wrong in my healing process...

 I had developed a VFF. It's an ugly word. I can't even type it, so I will only use the initials. I had to have my 3rd surgery to correct someone's screw up! That night I became a member of the .04% club. That is how many times a VFF has been documented in our country's population! That's me. I can't do anything normally, ever!

Why would I write about something so awful you ask!? Well,
1) I still can't get over that I wet the bed at the age of 31 and my poor hubby had to help me clean it up!
2) It reminds me that I am SUPPOSED to be here! As I struggle with the transition of both my kids in school all day and what am I supposed to do now. As I am struggling with what is my purpose in life and not feeling very valued,  I read that prompt, thought of that night and I was reminded...I almost died after the hysterectomy. I ended up in the ICU for a night. I had a LONG treacherous road of recovery and unfortunately am still dealing with pain issues and need more surgery, BUT my boys could have lost their mom that day. My husband could have lost his wife. SO, even though that is an experience I will never forget and still haunts me, I do get in funkalcious moods at times. Becoming no fun! Instead of taking every day as a gift, I have fallen into the trap of my newest funk, letting my circumstances affect me! AND I need to be reminded, I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HERE!

Whether I go back to work or not. Or watch re-runs of Beverly Hills 90210 all day when the boys are in school. Go back to school. Clean my house all day. Clean other people's houses. None of this matters. What IS important is to be thankful that God chose to let me stay on this earth and raise my kids, be a wife to  my husband and I need not to let this "funk" I am in overwhelm me and lose sight of what is important!

I am a mom. I am a wife. I am good at those things. I am a friend. I am a sister. I am a daughter. I am good at those things too!

From the moment I was conceived God had a purpose for my life. I may not know what it is beyond being a mother, wife, daughter, sister, friend but I am thankful He knows and will help me through this funk!

So. Hi. My name is Kerry and a few years ago when I was sleeping...I wet the bed! I was a 31 year old bed wetter!


  1. Wow Kerry that is terrible to go through. I'm sorry that you struggle with this. You seem to have a very positive attitude about it. :)
    I appreciate your kind comment on my blog. I totally understand your rambling. :) Feel free to ramble anytime. :) It's nice to know someone understands.
    BTW you should change your settings so that you're not a noreply on your comments and people can email you back when they get your comments in their email :)

  2. Thanks Tylaine. Um, I thought I had my settings so people can reply? Uh, so I was just looking through my settings and feel like a moron! Where do I do that at? HELP! I told you I am so new to this...ugh. I am glad you came over and commented. My heart broke for you when I read your post! I am glad my rambling made sense:)

  3. Don't worry I still totally feel new and there's so much I don't know. I think you just have to make sure your email address is linked to your profile. Try that and if it doesn't work you can always ask Shell at Things I Can't Say. She's awesome and knows so much about blogging. She even has a "tips for bloggers" link on her blog as do a lot of "Big" blogs.:)
    Yes it has and still is very difficult but I definately feel good about the fact that we did not just give up which is more than I can say for my sister. I wrote a PYHO post about that and how I feel like I lost my sister. Kinda sad.
    I felt so alone so much before and I hummed and hawed over starting my own blog cause I read all these fantastic blogs and felt so inadequate. But I finally worked up the courage and it's been great. :) Thanks for understanding.